have you ever been irritated... when you wanna do something that you can't. that's kinda like sociophobia i guess... grrrh.

in class, when you know an answer to a question which the teacher asks, you can't be bothered to put up your hand... there's some stupid barrier preventing you from doing so. and when you feel like shouting out the answer, you keep hestitating. and then someone else shouts the answer and your chances are gone... isn't that infuriating?

in the band you're given a chance to play a solo... a big one. for a competition. and you think: this is the one chance of a lifetime to outshine myself! but then on the concert day... you mess up your first solo and you tremble on your second one. how annoying. how you'd wish you could play it with confidence.

you can never be a leader. leader of anything. you can't make choices on your own. you have no idea what's going on. no leadership for you. like when you're the stupid chairperson of a band camp? and there'll be this once when everyone looks at you for instructions. and then you turn reddishly red and blush and flush and all that. just disgusting, that is.

how i wish my phobia would soon go away... *huh*